Adam and Eve Poke Fun

One day, in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What is thy problem, Adam?" God asks.

"Lord, I know thou created me and hast provided for me and surrounded me with yon beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I am just not happy."

"Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens.

"Lord, I am lonely."

"Well Adam, in that case, I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for thee."

"What manner of creature is a 'woman,' Lord?"

"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautifulcreature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what thou wantest before thou wantest it. She will be sosensitive and caring that she will know thy every mood and how to make thee happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She willunquestioningly care for thy every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for thee," replies the Creator.

"Truly, she soundeth wonderful."

"She will be, but this is going to cost thee, Adam."

"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?" Adam asks.

"She will cost thee thy right arm, thy right leg, an eye, and an ear."

Adam ponders this for a moment.

"What can I get for a rib?"

Lest any women get upset, here is the female reply:

Eve walked with the Lord and thanked Him every day for the Beautiful Garden of Eden.

One day, she asked the Creator, "Lord, why is it that creeping things, and the beasts of the field, walk two by two but I am alone?"

The Lord answered, "I have only waiting for you to ask. I have the perfect mate for you. It is called a man. He will care for you. He will be the strong and silent type, and he will be the father of your children. He has some faults, but I believe your generous nature will overlook them."

Eve responded, "Oh, thank you, Lord. I have long wanted a companion like myself. A man sounds fine."

The Lord said, "Eve, there is one thing you must do if you truly wish the man as your life's companion."

"Yes, Lord, I will do whatever you wish," the woman quickly answered.

"Remember that I warned you the man has some faults....One of them is his ego. It will require something of you."

"Ego, Lord? What will a man's ego require of me?" asked Eve.

And the Lord said, "You will have to let the man think that I created him first.

Source: www.keepingitcatholic.org

As You Wish

A homily on love and obedience from Fr. Mike Schmitz of the Diocese of Duluth.

“God did not say, ‘If you love me, you will have warm fuzzies all of the time, it’ll be awesome.’ He didn’t say that! Jesus says, ‘If you love me, do what I say.’ … We realize that love is more than a feeling. If I want to assess how well am I loving God, the question is this: how well am I obeying His commandments?”

31 things you thought about during Sunday Mass but won't admit

Catholic Vote nails typical thinking about Mass attendance with this fun list. See the original version here.

1. Got to church on time…all settled in the pew before the opening hymn starts…kids all fully clothed and sitting still…can I get a plenary indulgence or something?

2. Oh good, I secretly love this song.

3. Okay, who's here? There are the Growskis…there are the Taylors…looks like the Kellys are late again.

4. Wow, five whole minutes into Mass and the kids haven’t slammed the kneeler into my shins.  I wonder wha- OOOOWWW!!!  SON OF A…!!!

5. There’s Myrtle…I can’t believe her peppermint cookies won first place at the parish Holiday Fest.  My fruitcake was so much better.

6. Let’s recap the score.  Saint Paul: 8,371…my ability to comprehend: 0.

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Twelve reasons I quit attending sports events

What if we started treating sports like we treat our involvement with the Church? There probably wouldn't be many fans left. Our complaints might sound like this:

1. The coach never came to visit me.
2. Every time I went, they asked me for money.

3. The people sitting in my row didn't seem very friendly.

4. The seats were very hard.

5. The referees made a decision I didn't agree with.

6. I was sitting with hypocrites—they only came to see what others were wearing!

7. Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.

8. The band played some songs I had never heard before.

9. The games are scheduled on my only day to sleep in and run errands.

10. My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

11. Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches, anyway.

12. I don’t want to take my children because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.

It's Not About the Nail